Memories IV: Parenting and the Bystander Effect

This memory is sparked by some writing I have been doing for a textbook.  So it doesn't start off in the same sort of very personal place that some of my other memories of Eli or Miriam have. (It will get there soon enough.)  Instead, what got me thinking was writing about research on the Bystander Effect.

The Bystander Effect is a well-documented phenomenon in social psychology.  Suppose that someone is the victim of some kind of emergency (like a heart attack or a traffic accident or even an assault).  Then, the more bystanders witness the emergency, the less likely it is that the victim will receive help from any of them.  In 1968, social scientists John Darley and Bibb Latané conducted a famous experiment in which they showed that the chance of a single bystander intervening in a staged emergency situation was 85 percent, but this dropped to 31 percent when five bystanders were believed to be present. Somehow, the fact that other people are not intervening "licenses" me not to intervene also - even though, were I alone, I would clearly see my duty to help.

Memories III: Renaissance Faire

SCAHS Ren Faire 2011

For many years our house was full of sewing.  Miriam - and later Eli - loved to create clothing: fashionable apparel like Pokemon-inspired prom dresses, zany insect costumes, work for the theater department at Penn State and even for a London staging of The Lion King.  Her greatest joy, though, was to create garb for the high school Renaissance Faire, and to help other participants to create their own garb too.

Memories II: River Flows in You

On the John Muir Trail, 2006

We got a piano when we moved into our home in State College in 2000.  Miriam took lessons until she was in high school, and continued to play long after that.  She played more by muscle memory and intuition than by sight-reading, which meant that she had a few pieces that we heard many, many times.   One of those was River Flows in You, by the Korean artist Yiruma.

Honoring Eli's (Miriam's) life through a donation

Several people have asked how to make a donation in Eli's or Miriam's memory.   We're deeply grateful that you want to honor our child's life in this way.  We have suggested two charities to receive such donations.  Both represent causes dear to Eli's heart.

• The Arc of Centre County, where Eli worked for the past year, supports the needs of clients in Central Pennsylvania with intellectual and developmental disabilities. To donate to the Arc please click here. (We suggest that you direct your donation to "unfunded needs".)
• The Trevor Project provides crisis intervention and suicide prevention services to LGBTQ youth nationwide.To donate to the Trevor Project please click here to visit the special fundraising page set up in Eli's memory.

Thank you so much!

Memories: I

It has been four weeks.  Four weeks since the death of our beloved younger child.  Four weeks of grief and loss.  (Here is a link to the obituary, for those who may not have seen it before.)

Eli (Miriam) led a short, beautiful life.  I'm intending to share some thoughts and memories on this blog.  Some tales of bravery and adventure and joy and sadness too.

Red Math, Blue Math, Old Math, New Math

It wasn't long after moving to the US before I found myself in a heated discussion about math teaching.

Not the perverse pride of "Oh, I was always hopeless at math", but a serious discussion about the best teaching methods in K-12.

As the conversation went on, though, I became more and more puzzled by the intensity that my partner brought to the discussion.  It seemed that he was less interested in talking about the different ways in which people learn, and what might be best in a mixed classroom; more alarmed that the correct, "traditional" way of teaching was being undermined by dangerous innovations promoted by impractical university professors.

Fast forward to today's polemics against "Common Core math" (see the meme above, and many like it which you can probably find in your Facebook feed).

Studying "Laudato si"

During the fall, I was privileged to convene a small group to read through the encyclical letter Laudato si.   Three State College churches - St Paul's Methodist, Grace Lutheran, and State College Presbyterian - were formally involved, and I know that one or two participants came from other congregations as well.

We finished our studies at the beginning of December - just as the Paris climate conference was getting under way, and while its outcome was still uncertain.  We took time to pray for the world leaders gathered there.  The outcome of the conference, when it arrived, has been an encouraging one; but of course the real work will start this year, and in the future, when high-sounding commitments have to be translated into practical action.  Fine words butter no parsnips, as my grandmother used to say. 

I prepared a handout for each of the studies, using material from various sources including the Columban Center for Advocacy and Outreach, the Evangelical Environmental Network, and Presbyterians for Earth Care.  I've combined the materials into a single file here.  You're welcome to use them in your own studies if you find them helpful.

Meanwhile, I am looking forward to 2016, and I pray for a deepening "ecological conversion".  To quote Pope Francis again

We are speaking of an attitude of the heart, one which approaches life with serene attentiveness, which is capable of being fully present to someone without thinking of what comes next... Jesus taught us this attitude when he invited us to contemplate the lilies of the field and the birds of the air, or when seeing the rich young man and knowing his restlessness, 'he looked at him with love'.  He was completely present to everyone and to everything, and in this way he showed us how to overcome that unhealthy anxiety which makes us superficial, aggressive, and compulsive consumers.

Amen